by CAROL McEWEN, for the Sun Gazettee
As I was making the bed the other day, I actually LOOKED at it and saw a swale the size of the Grand Canyon. “Oh, Honey,” I called, “I think it’s time to flip the mattress.”
Never one to shirk work, my dear husband appeared immediately and said, “OK, let’s do it.” I grabbed the rope handles on one side of the queen mattress; he grabbed them on the other side; and we both did the old heave-ho.
Only problem: the thing didn’t budge an inch. “OK, Mr. Mattress,” I thought to myself, “We’ll have to get tough with you.”
This time, we counted (like weightlifters), “Three, two, one, UP!” Still nothing.
It seemed only yesterday that it was no problem. Hmmm, let’s see. The last time we did this we were in our house in Arlington, which we sold in 2019.
And, of course, we didn’t do it that year since we were busy packing. In fact, I only remember flipping it once or twice during the 20 years we owned it, when we were a lot younger.
That mattress was a king-sized one, and we scooted it off the end of the bed, till one end hit the ground, then grabbed the floor end, flipping it end over end, and “walked” it back in place.
Its top got a little too friendly with the open ceiling beams, so we had to “force the issue.” Not exactly easy-peasy, but we DID it.
However, that was then and this was now.
OK, so on to Plan B. We decided we’d just turn the beast, end-to-end. Perfect. Only problem: we couldn’t even lift it to make the turn. We suddenly felt like 90-pound weaklings. To make us feel better, I helpfully added, “We’d risk knocking the lamp off the nightstand, anyway.”
I now understand what my mother was complaining about way back when. She and my dad went through the same exercise with the same results, plus a lot of swearing from my dad.
Soooo, we took the mattress topper off, gave it a good shake-down to fluff it a bit, put it back on the bed and called it a day. Problem solved.
Color us Old School types resourceful, even if we’re not so strong anymore. If you know any 20-year-old bodybuilders, have them send me an e-mail and we’ll put him/her to work.
Meanwhile, sleeping in a valley isn’t so bad. It’s actually kind of cozy.
Reach Carol McEwen at firstname.lastname@example.org.